by Brian Beitz
Anyone who follows the boys from the Canucks’ AHL affiliate Chicago Wolves can tell you that the Twitter bug has hit this team big time, inspired in large part by Mike “Thumbs” Duco, a bit of a notorious figure in the world of tweets. I guess when you’re part of a league where long, frequent bus rides are prevalent, there has to be ways to pass the time. But what happens when a Wolves skater decides to stray from Twitter and, say, watch a movie? Well that’s exactly what Billy Sweatt did on Sunday during a roadtrip to Toronto when he decided to open up a classic sports film on his iPad.
A fairly innocuous tweet, right? Wrong! You see, it seems Angels in the Outfield is a taboo subject for the Wolves players, who were happy to ignore Sweatt’s indecent viewing of it for awhile, that is until he began to rub it in a little…
Unfortunately for Sweatt, repeating hilarious quotes ad nauseam from the one of the world’s funniest movies just happens to be the pet peeve of Mike Duco, who has never enjoyed a Danny Glover film that didn’t include the line, “I’m too old for this $%&@!”
But Sweatt wouldn’t beat it. He would continue his Joseph-Gordon-Levitt-induced tirade, clearly bolstered by Tony Danza’s courageous performance in the final game of the season versus the Chicago White Sox. Perhaps he didn’t feel afraid of Mike “Put Up Your” Duco, or perhaps he had an angel with him. Unfortunately for Sweatt, his bravery awakened the team’s elder statesman, Nolan “not a Christopher Lloyd Fan” Baumgartner, who, like all old people, hates being awakened.
This is when Billy Sweatt made a dreadful error. Instead of showing the wizened Baumgartner the respect he deserves and demands, Sweatt decided to take a poorly aimed shot at him:
Mad? Of course he’s mad! When a movie comes out that you know in your bitter, jealous heart will go on to define a generation, you should be perturbed that it wasn’t your generation. Do you think anyone likes looking at Tony Danza and Christopher Lloyd in Angels in the Outfield and thinking, “Hey, I know those two! Weren’t they both on the cast of Taxi?” No one wants to be that guy.
Realizing what was about to happen, the rest of the team began to separate themselves from Billy to ensure they weren’t associated with his defiance. Kevin Connauton made sure everyone knew he wasn’t sitting next to Sweatt on purpose:
He then employed the genius schoolyard method of making sure you’re not picked on: turn everyone against the kid you know people hate more than you (Smug Nation’s writers have become very good at this over the years):
K-Nauts then waited patiently, hoping the rest would join in. He did not have to wait long. First Mike Davies:
Then Nolan “Morla” Baumgartner:
Then Eddie Lack:
OK, in fairness, he didn’t really understand the game. Plus, Swedes never know when they should be attacking somebody.
Still, the rest of the Wolves sure seemed upset. We may never know what it was that triggered this anger. It could be Sweatt’s advocation of a baseball movie on a hockey trip, something that clearly falls under the category of bad “Joojoo.” It could be because Angels (as we at Smug Nation affectionately call it) portrays a Chicago team (the White Sox) at the top of the pecking order in the MLB, and the Wolves, filled with Canucks prospects, feel an ironic hatred for any Chicago sports franchise. Maybe the team prefers the 1951 version of the film. Or maybe they just hate spoilers. Who knows? What I do know is they sure hate Billy Sweatt.