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Canucks, Hockey

Your Favourite Canucks Become Wrestlers!

by Tyler Rowe

Local man is spot-on

Local man is spot-on

Here at SmugNation, we recently had a conversation about reality. And as any idiot knows, there is nothing more real than professional wrestling. Last year, the Vancouver Canucks were made super by the lovely and talented Caley Rombout (who should really be doing her own blog, lazybones). You Smuggle-bugs loved it, and asked for more. Who are we to disappoint? Well, okay… we barely posted for almost a year. But with the playoffs upon us once again, we are lucky enough to have Caley back to bring us a new set of heroes, not of the caped variety, but the kind of heroes you find surrounded by stretchy ropes and readily available folding chairs. We are talking about professional wrestlers. And the Vancouver Canucks, rounding into beast-mode-form after the sound thumping they laid on the Chicago Blackhawks last night, are looking like a team ready for a shot at the belt. Read past the jump for the most fun you’ve had since Hulk Hogan overcame adversity to crush Sergeant Slaughter and General Adnan in Wrestlemania VII (nothing quite like xenophobia to get the blood stirring).

Are you ready for this? I doubt you are. But since the Canucks are derided as the divingest divers to ever even look at a diving board, a group that dives so much that they probably suffer from diverticulitis, there is a certain symmetry captured here by Ms. Rombout between the actors fused together in these solid gold panels of pure genius. Enjoy.

Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, #41. One half of this amalgam is in his sport’s hall of fame. Can you guess which?

Can you smell what the Juice is cooking? #3 looking like those trips to the tanning booth have paid off. This People’s Champion also wins the award for most likely to have a successful acting career after his pile-driving days are through.

Hopefully the least lucky #7 of all time can Edge out a comeback in time to play in the 2nd round. Maybe the injuries are karma for abandoning Chris Benoit in 2004.

Midnight Rocker, Degeneration-X-er, victim of the “Montreal Screwjob” of 1997 (which fortunately had nothing to do with Chyna), #14 does what it takes to get the job done. I dont know if the 3-seed is what he meant by winning da turd, but passittobulis.com forgot that the reason he’s sad is he never sees Marty Jannetty anymore.

This Hart brother never won the Hart Trophy, but #22 did win an Art Ross. No jokes here – Owen Hart was a super fella and so is Dank.

Woo! #36 is Ric “The Nature Boy” Flair, one of the league’s best grinders. He’s gotten a little saggy as the years have gone by, but that is probably because he’s a honey badger, and doesn’t much care.

Pure perfection from #23, Mr. Perfect is just about as good as it gets. Do you want to get pefect-plexed? Then get the hell out of his way, because “it’s time to trim the fat”, western conference.

Perhaps the greatest technical wrestler of all time, Bret “Hit Man” Hart has 791 reasons why he’s better than you, and won a trophy named after himself. Captain #33 has world-class skill while showing world-class-class. And man does this ginger look good in pink.

It doesn’t get much more Canadian than #40, The Mountie. While not sporting his usual poop-consuming grin in this photo, our hero patrols the ring and the rink with aplomb, sending evil-doers to the box by way of some creative entrapment.

The best from the Mid-West, Rick Rude is a beastly competitor and renowned spotlight-thief from way back. #17 will beat you up, and then make fun of your mom.

This man will snap a Slim Jim, and then he’ll snap your attitude into shape. Macho Man Randy Savage is a born winner, champion at every level and just the kind of guy to take his partner over the top, like he did for The Undertaker. Just don’t ask #5 about Miss Elizabeth, or he might fire that cannon of his right through your chest cavity. OOOH YEAH!

Just wow, Caley. Member of The Bad Boys, nothing sucks about Razor Ramon, a bully who gets his kicks making Scarface references and hanging out with Juggalos. #1 is playing the bench right now, but if something happens to his extremely Irish counterpart, opponents want nothing to do with The Razor’s Edge.

The new edition, Chris Benoit once stole Kurt Angle’s olympic gold medal. #15 is just the kind of enterprising superstar the Canucks need to overcome the pretenders to the Cup. Hopefully he won’t do Vancouver like he did The Radicalz and split.

Part Marine, part WWE superstar, part defensive specialist, #2 always does the right thing (take that, Pens and Flyers). John Cena is the hero who finally knocked Kevin Federline out of the WWE. He always does the right thing.

Best known as “The American Dream”, what is dreamier than Dusty Rhodes’ manly physique? This son of a plumber is the working man’s hero, and #29 will knock your face inside-out if you forget it. Also, for all that hard work, surprisingly soft hands.

The “CM” in CM Punk actually stands for “Chick Magnet”, which is fitting for #8 if by “Chick” you mean “Vancouver hockey blogger”. It is high time for your return to the ring, young fella.

Triple H has switched sides a lot in his career, but #20 has finally found a home that fits him. As 8-time WWE champion, that home is at the tippy-top of the entertainment world. If there’s one guy that can convince #15 to stick around, its Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

#4 is the flag-waiving, atomic-dropping defender of truth, justice and freedom better known as Hacksaw Jim Duggan. From Royal Rumbles to Slamborees, HJD has been a monster for years. I guess that makes coach Vigneault Big Bubba Rogers.

Sheamus might be history’s greatest ginger. #35 has gone from long shot to Strom’s spot, and Ron Howard has nothing on the kid from Dublin. With respect to the twins, its Sheamus’ time.

To summarize, this is a collection of Royal Rumblers not to be messed with. Stay tuned to SmugNation to find out who these bruisers will be suplexing in a week’s time.

About tylerdrowe

Broadcaster/Writer/Videographer/Vancouver Canucks fan since the late 80's. You can check out my personal/resume page at lowboy.webfactional.com.

Discussion

20 thoughts on “Your Favourite Canucks Become Wrestlers!

  1. These are awesome … LOL!

    Posted by sherkhan | May 14, 2013, 1:21 pm
  2. Cory Schneider —> Sheamus
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Alex Edler —> Jack Swagger
    Derek Roy —> Shawn Michaels
    Dan Hamhuis —> John Cena
    Alex Mallet —> Undertaker
    Nick Jensen —> Kane
    Jason Garrison —> Wade Barrett
    Sedin-Sedin-Burrows —> The Shield

    Posted by Allen Jameson | May 14, 2013, 4:01 pm
    • Nice, good job with this, but you forgot something…

      Darren Archibald —> Ryback
      Brendan Gaunce —> The Miz
      Kevin Bieksa —> Chris Jericho

      Posted by David Jackson | May 14, 2013, 4:14 pm
  3. Ahaha, these are fantastic! I skipped by this post the first time around; glad canucks.com set me straight!

    Posted by Nathan | May 14, 2013, 10:14 pm
  4. I love these pictures!!

    Posted by ELIZABETH EASTWOOD | May 16, 2013, 3:38 pm
  5. Maybe they”lldo better wresling than they do playing hockey!

    Posted by Rob Goertzen | May 18, 2013, 7:23 pm
  6. I agree with Allen Jameson. Ryan Kesler should be Randy Orton.

    Posted by Sasquatch the Great | May 18, 2013, 10:05 pm
  7. I love sexy Schneider as Sheamus.
    posted by Dinah

    Posted by dinah reodica | May 18, 2013, 10:41 pm
  8. Where the heck is AV? Perhaps doing an impression of Paul Bearer with GIllis as the Undertaker???

    Posted by James Gross (@randomjames) | May 22, 2013, 12:43 am
  9. Oh my god, I love this so much. Derek Roy’s and Sestito’s look too natural…weird.

    Posted by ML | May 28, 2013, 10:03 pm
  10. Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Christian
    Nick Jensen —> The Miz
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Chris Higgins —> Rob Van Dam
    Brendan Gaunce —> Kane
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Kellan Lain —> Roman Reigns
    Brad Richardson —> Seth Rollins
    Dale Weise —> Dean Ambrose
    Dan Hamhuis —> Sheamus
    Kevin Bieksa —> Erick Rowan
    Chris Tanev —> CM Punk
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Roberto Luongo —> Big Show
    Eddie Lack —> Wade Barrett

    Posted by Totes Jelly | August 15, 2013, 1:29 am
  11. I would put in the same list, except:

    Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Undertaker
    Nick Jensen —> Rob Van Dam
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Chris Higgins —> Christian
    Brendan Gaunce —> Kane
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Kellan Lain —> Roman Reigns
    Brad Richardson —> Seth Rollins
    Dale Weise —> Dean Ambrose
    Dan Hamhuis —> Sheamus
    Kevin Bieksa —> Erick Rowan
    Chris Tanev —> CM Punk
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Roberto Luongo —> Big Show
    Eddie Lack —> Wade Barrett

    Posted by Dustin Creidos | August 15, 2013, 1:35 am
  12. Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Undertaker
    Nick Jensen —> Rob Van Dam
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Chris Higgins —> Christian
    Brendan Gaunce —> Kane
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Kellan Lain —> Roman Reigns
    Brad Richardson —> Seth Rollins
    Dale Weise —> Dean Ambrose
    Dan Hamhuis —> Sheamus
    Kevin Bieksa —> Ryback
    Chris Tanev —> CM Punk
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Roberto Luongo —> Big Show
    Eddie Lack —> Wade Barrett

    Posted by Sasquatch | September 12, 2013, 9:04 pm
  13. ヴィトン 財布 中古

    Posted by ヴィトン ヴェルニ バッグ | October 24, 2013, 7:15 pm
  14. Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Undertaker
    Mike Santorelli —> Christian
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Chris Higgins —> Kane
    Jordan Schroeder —> Rey Mysterio
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Darren Archibald —> Big E Langston
    Brad Richardson —> Curtis Axel
    Dale Weise —> Erick Rowan
    Dan Hamhuis —> Sheamus
    Kevin Bieksa —> Ryback
    Chris Tanev —> CM Punk
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Roberto Luongo —> John Cena
    Eddie Lack —> The Miz

    Posted by Natural Hat-Trick | November 19, 2013, 8:49 pm
  15. Seuls deux dentre eux, Marie-Arlette Carlotti et Patrick Mennucci, appellent tourner, dimanche, la page Gurini. Et martlent leur volont de chasser les ?vieux rseaux? qui paralysent la ville. Cela agace leurs adversaires, qui ont limpression dun dtournement du dbat. Lex-dput Christophe Masse se pose en rassembleur. Entretenant des rapports trs cordiaux avec tout le monde, il estime que la page est ?dj tourne?. Que le snateur ne pse plus. Henri Jibrayel, qui pointe aux alentours de 0% dans les sondages, martle que ?le pass, le prsent et lavenir? de Gurini ne lintressent pas. Il prfre parler dconomie dans les dbats. O il suggre que, ?sans doute?, le prsident du conseil gnral soutient certains de ses camarades.
    [url=http://www.firminyvolleyball.com/css/canadagoose-fr.php]canada goose paris[/url]
    canada goose paris

    Posted by canada goose paris | November 27, 2013, 8:25 pm
  16. Canucks as CURRENT WWE Superstars

    Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Undertaker
    Mike Santorelli —> Christian
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Chris Higgins —> Kane
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Jordan Schroeder —> Rey Mysterio
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Darren Archibald —> Big E Langston
    Brad Richardson —> Curtis Axel
    Dale Weise —> Erick Rowan
    Dan Hamhuis —> Sheamus
    Kevin Bieksa —> Ryback
    Chris Tanev —> CM Punk
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Roberto Luongo —> John Cena
    Eddie Lack —> Dean Ambrose

    Posted by Teh Noob | December 8, 2013, 8:07 pm
  17. Daniel and Henrik Sedin —> Jimmy and Jey Uso
    Alex Burrows —> Undertaker
    Mike Santorelli —> Christian
    Ryan Kesler —> Randy Orton
    Nick Jensen —> Batista
    Chris Higgins —> Kane
    Zack Kassian —> Daniel Bryan
    Jordan Schroeder —> Rey Mysterio
    Jannik Hansen —> Justin Gabriel
    Darren Archibald —> Big E Langston
    Brad Richardson —> Antonio Cesaro
    Tom Sestito —> Erick Rowan
    Bo Horvat —> Bray Wyatt
    Dan Hamhuis —> John Cena
    Kevin Bieksa —> Ryback
    Chris Tanev —> Seth Rollins
    Alex Edler —> Dolph Ziggler
    Jason Garrison —> Luke Harper
    Ryan Stanton —> The Miz
    Frank Corrado —> Cody Rhodes
    Jordan Subban —> Titus O’Neil
    Eddie Lack —> Roman Reigns
    Jacob Markstrom —> Dean Ambrose

    Posted by Korn Fan | March 29, 2014, 1:01 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Spitballin’ on Canucks fan Dustin Brown, Vigneault’s next destination, and Burrows on Twitter - June 10, 2013

  2. Pingback: The Official 2013/2014 Canucks & NHL Thread - Page 144 - Vancouver's Top Classifieds and Automotive Forum - REVscene.net - October 3, 2013

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