This tag is associated with 3 posts

Raffi Torres has a pattern, thanks in part to the NHL

by Brian Beitz

Hossa taken off on a stretcher


As many Canucks fans learned from watching Raffi Torres last season, he can be a valuable addition to a team. Unfortunately, he can also be a liability, as the gritty winger has a habit of making stupid, dangerous hits—perhaps none more dangerous than his hit Tuesday night on Marian Hossa at 12:42 in the 1st period of Game 3 of the Phoenix-Chicago series. Here is the video:

This is a stupid, dangerous hit. Torres will definitely be meeting with Shanahan in the very near future, and the Shanahammer will throw the book at him. Torres, the multiple repeat offender, travels a good distance to leave his feet while crushing an unsuspecting superstar player who doesn’t have the puck. The only thing missing would be slamming his head into the glass after the game had end– What? That wouldn’t add any games? Hmm… Still, I think we’ve seen the last of Torres in the playoffs, no matter how far Phoenix goes. This has become a real tragic part of Torres’ game over the last couple years, and Torres has already been suspended 2 times in just over a year and nearly suspended a 3rd. He definitely is developing a pattern, but maybe more specific of one than you would think…

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“Duncan, can you come downstairs? Your mother and I would like to speak to you.”

by Tyler Rowe

"We're very disappointed in you, Duncan"

Whenever I was in big trouble as a kid, punishment never came right away. My parents would dismiss me from their presence, and call me down to the living room later on to dispense earth-shakers like, “We’re very disappointed in you” and “Your summer just got a lot shorter, buddy-boy.” When the law was laid down right away, it was always for more minor infractions. For serious discipline, the parental unit needed time to figure out exactly how they were going to serve justice, and they were almost always just (except when they made me cut off my sweet Kurt Cobain bangs in 1994—”Hair is a privilege, not a right” never seems just coming from someone who’s balding). So I know how Duncan Keith felt from Wednesday night until this morning, just sitting up in his room awaiting judgement. The waiting, as it has been said, is the hardest part. But then I was never in a situation where my parents might have been waiting to see how long the kid I bullied was concussed for before they punished me, so I guess its slightly different.

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Duncan Keith, Good Canadian Boy

by Tyler Rowe

Lousy things happen by accident everyday. Peyton Manning is playing in the AFC West, but not for my Chiefs; Snooki is going to have a kid; Disney is going to lose 200-million on John Carter, hopefully not affecting the budget for Toy Story 4. All bad things. But when the aforementioned incidents took place, no one was being a jerk on purpose. Peyton Manning doesn’t know I hate the Broncos, Snooki probably didn’t get preggers by design and Disney films can’t be delightful 100% of the time, try as they might. When lousy things happen by accident with no undue recklessness, you can’t really be mad.

Lousy things happen on purpose every day too. They chose to kill off Dale in TV’s The Walking Dead [Spoiler Alert!], even though he was the most compelling character on the show. Some delinquents are partial to Irish rioting in London, Ontario (I don’t care how drunk you are – you don’t pitch bricks at cops unless you live under a dictatorship). Sometimes when I go over to Brian’s house, it takes him a whole 42 seconds to offer me a beer. When people do lousy things on purpose, they’re just like Good Canadian Boy Duncan Keith, who pulled a UFC move on Daniel Sedin Wednesday Night in the Madhouse on Madison.
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