by Tyler Rowe
From the Post-Season news conference. All quotes paraphrased since I don’t have a PVR yet, and gaps exist even more than they should because there is construction outside my apartment so I couldn’t hear everything. Still, you’re welcome. This is more or less how it went:
by Brian Beitz
This Saturday marks a momentous occasion as two mortal enemies will face off in a bitter death match that will see one of them hailed as hero who will no doubt go on to fame, fortune, and Stanley Cups galore, the other a complete failure who will go on to notoriety, Swiss League handouts, and failed-draft-pick references galore. The seriousness is compounded by the fact that the two teams participating in a recent under-the-radar trade will get to see who came out on top in the transaction. Will Cody “Franchise” Hodgson prove Mike Gillis a chump? Will Zack “Whistles” Kassian make a mockery of Darcy Regier? My guess is that Cody scores 4 goals before Zack finally kills him, and Marc-Andre “Please don’t pronounce the ‘G’” Gragnani takes on Alexander “Alka-” Sulzer in a good ol’ fashioned stick fight. Careers will be defined. Franchises will be unmade. Absolute chaos will ensue and nothing, nothing, will ever be the same again! ARRGGHHH! Oh, and Christian Ehrhoff will be there too.
by Brian Beitz
Today should be a sad day. Today, we said goodbye to an exciting player and prospect. Today we watched our “friend” (I put the word “friend” in quotes because the definition of that word is not “guy whom we watch at home in our underwear and secretly wish we knew”) leave the gentle womb of Smug Nation and enter the dangerous world of sabres and buffaloes (everyone knows if there’s one animal you don’t give a sword to it’s a buffalo). And yet today, as Canucks fans and players alike bid Cody “Franchise” Hodgson a fond farewell, wishing him all the best as he moves on to a team that will provide him with the playing minutes he so craves and deserves, we find a silver lining. That is because today, Smug Nation welcomes a new prospect to the Blue ‘n’ Green in Zack “Whistles” Kassian.